Hey friends – I’m Cynthia. I’m 24 years old, a yogi, a yoga teacher, a PhD student, an instructor at Kent State, a reader, a lover of nature… (and a lot of other random stuff in between) and I’m so honored to share a little bit of my story. Before I get into my real journey here, I want to preface it by saying that it wasn’t linear by any means – and most things aren’t. I didn’t come to one yoga class, realize my calling and was ready to dive right in, it was more like I wanted to dip my toes into the water, take 15 laps around the pond, wade in to about waist deep, then decide to swim 2 years later. Does that make sense?
Let’s get right into this yogi transformation, of course after the obligatory if you would’ve told me several years ago that I’m now a yoga teacher – I probably would’ve laughed in your face. ANYWAYS.
Surprise! Cynthia at her first post-YTT teacher photoshoot!
I’ve struggled with anxiety for a looooong time, even before I really realized what it was. I was just nervous and scared. All. The. Time. Doing new things was quite literally the most petrifying thing to me – like, I’ve had over 20 “first days of school” and it still makes me want to vomit – even though I’m now the one standing in front of the class.
I was living in West Akron in 2018 with my then-boyfriend, now-husband, when I found Yoga Squared. I followed them on IG, perused the schedule regularly… then very on-brand for me – waited about 6 months before I actually worked up the nerve to take a class (not without messaging them on FB first to determine what I was supposed to wear and if a certain class would be ok as a beginner. Is it anxiety or is it being a virgo?).
Connecting with peace x stillness.
I first came to the studio to dip my toes into the yogic water on November 7th to Zen Blend with Kate (throwback) and then I attended a Beginner’s workshop on December 1st with Nikki. Utilizing the free yoga post-workshop, I decided to go to an all-levels vinyasa class (because it’s all-levels, I should be fine, right?) and it completely wrecked me. I found myself looking around at everyone else the entire class, being amazed at what they could do and simultaneously wondering wtf chaturanga was. I stuck with Gentle and Beginner’s classes after that – always looking forward to Sunday mornings with Pam and weeknight meditation with Kate over at Zen Space.
I kept hanging around the studio for a couple months after that, always being sure to quietly roll out my mat, not make eye contact with anyone, and only say “hi” and “bye” upon my entrance and exit. Then I made the decision to apply for grad school and life was up in the air for a few months while I waited on decisions from various schools in Ohio and beyond. The waiting game and the lack of decisions was excruciating. Then it all happened super fast - I ended up accepting an offer with Kent State, my partner and I bought a house in Firestone Park and life got crazy. I wasn’t making time to get to the studio, I was adjusting to life as a young homeowner, I was attempting to navigate leaving a full-time job and pursuing full time grad school, and I canceled my unlimited membership at YS.
The moment you realize…the best is yet to come.
Things…. weren’t great. I was hanging on to toxic things in my life, I was unable to find a work/life balance, I stopped finding joy in movement and became stagnant. I was really down and very unsure of where I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to be doing. I was a semester and a half into grad school and things were starting to turn around. Then at the beginning of the second semester, I started feeling better…. then COVID happened.
I had to adjust all over again. I had to learn how to be a student fully online, I had to stay in my home and not see other people besides my partner and I realized I had to change something, rather than just letting all the changes happen to me. What ended up being such a devastating, treacherous time for so many people around the world, ended up being my wake-up call. I knew I had to do something different in order to be healthy, sane, and reconnect with happiness. I started working out from home and loving how it felt to move in my own body. I started baking, I started crafting my thesis proposal, and I started to speak up for what I believed in and advocating for myself. I decided I was no longer just going to hide away all the time and allow people to speak for me, fearing I was going to say the wrong thing.
After reuniting with exercise in the comfort of my own home, I decided to randomly sign up for the 2020 Winter Solstice Challenge and began to reacquaint myself with yoga. I practiced nearly every day (from home) for 3 months. I fell off for a few weeks, but began going in-studio, purchased a charter membership, and this time I waded in. At the beginning, I was still that shy person not wanting to talk to anyone, but the more and more I went, I began to feel the kindness and acceptance radiating from YS. How could you not want to stay for a moment and chat with a teacher or fellow yogi when there was such an aura of community love?
So, I started to swim, and I applied for Yoga Teacher Training and (again) was petrified. Certainly, I couldn’t be a yoga teacher? I’m just an academic. I’m just a grad student. I’ve just been doing yoga for a (solid) year. Just. Just. Just.
But I did it anyway and with the immense encouragement from people around me, this time I dove in. In October 2021, YTT started and life was overwhelming in the best way possible. I found a space where I was truly thriving, making connections, putting myself out there, allowing my voice to be heard, and blending my academic passions with my passion for my mat in the most beautiful way possible. Through this experience, I’ve come to understand that we all contain multitudes. I’m not just anything. I can literally be and do whatever I want. It’s a continual journey but I’ve come to feel empowered to choose what feels right on a given day and moment, rather than putting myself into boxes that no longer fit me. I’ve moved away from attempting to make myself fit a certain mold and I understand that everything has a season. Something I tell my students frequently in yoga classes is: every time you meet your mat is a new opportunity- it may not look or feel anything like that last time you found it, whether it was yesterday or last year – and that’s the beauty of it and I’m so grateful for this space for allowing me to explore and embody this notion.
JOY!
So, for anyone who’s browsing through the YS site, reading the blog, nervously trying to determine if you should take a class, I’ll leave you with this: What is Yoga Squared to me? I’ve gone back and forth and ruminated over this question for some time - and I think, to me, it’s a kind and soft greeting, a hug when you don’t even know you need it, a space of connection, of unlikely and immensely impactful friendships, a community, and a home. Diving in can be super scary, especially when the water is dark and you’re not sure if you can swim. Take your time, maybe just sit on the dock and allow yourself to feel into the moment, because I can absolutely assure you that when you are ready, the water will be there to catch you.